Self-Control Just Might Be Contagious
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People you spend time with affect your behavior, for good or bad, research finds
If you spend time with people who exhibit self-control—resisting the death-by-chocolate cake after a restaurant meal, for instance—you can expect your own self-control to be pretty good as well, according to new research.
But the opposite seems true, too: Spending time with people with less-than-ideal self-control will influence you negatively, the researchers found.
“Before, we knew people tended to hang out with other people who were like themselves,” said Michelle vanDellen, Ph.D., a visiting assistant professor of psychology at the University of Georgia who led the research that was published online in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin.
“But in these studies, we actually show there is a direct effect of our friends’ behavior on our own behavior,” vanDellen said. The findings apply, she said, “not only to the people we [choose to] hang out with, but those we are forced to hang out with,” such as co-workers.
The conclusions came from five studies by vanDellen and co-author Rick Hoyle of Duke University.
The best study, she said, and the most fun, involved 71 participants and two plates of food—one stacked with carrot sticks, the other with freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. The participants either watched someone exhibit self-control by eating the carrots and leaving the cookies, or vice versa. Later, the participants took self-control tests (not involving cookies and carrots). Those who had watched a person eat cookies did less well than those who had watched someone eat carrots.
In another study, the researchers found that 36 participants randomly assigned to think of a friend with good self-control persisted longer on a hand-grip test used to measure self-control than did the participants assigned to think about a friend with poor self-control.
A different study involved assigning 42 people to list the names of their friends who exhibited good and poor self-control. As the participants took a test designed to measure self-control, a name was flashed very briefly on a computer screen. Those who saw the name of a friend with good self-control did better on the test than those who saw the name of a friend with poor self-control.
The researchers also assigned 112 people to write about a friend with good self-control, a friend with poor self-control, or an outgoing friend. Those who wrote about a friend with good self-control did best on a test of self-control, those who wrote about a friend with poor self-control did the worst, and those who wrote about an outgoing friend scored in between the others.
In another study, 117 people were randomly assigned to write about friends with good or poor self-control. Those who wrote about a friend with good self-control did better on word identification tests related to self-control, the researchers found.
“I think the message is really two-fold,” vanDellen said of the research. “The first is, one way you can improve your behavior is by finding social networkers that support you.” It makes sense, she said, to seek out people you know have self-control if you want to boost your own.
The other message, she said, is accountability. The research suggests that others aren’t just watching your behavior when you show a lack of self-control, but might actually be influenced by it. If a woman’s husband is trying to lose weight, for instance, the last thing she should do is act like a lazy person who doesn’t exercise in front of him, she said.
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For many Americans, losing weight was a New Year's resolution. A few months into the year some folks may begin losing their resolve. It's particularly easy to let down your guard when eating out. But dining out doesn't need to be a diet disaster—you can eat out and eat healthy.
According to the National Restaurant Association, we spend more than 45 percent of our food dollars while dining out. Use these dollars wisely and follow these easy Do's and Don'ts.
- DO avoid all-you-can eat or buffet-style restaurants. Look instead for places that offer a variety of foods that can be prepared to your specifications. Nearly all types of restaurants have healthy options.
- DO opt for restaurants that offer nutritional information on the menu.
- DO plan ahead. Decide ahead of time what you'll order—perhaps a salad or grilled chicken. Then, when you get to the restaurant, you'll be less tempted to be swayed by what others order.
- DON'T overeat. Many restaurants serve large portions. Ask for a to-go container and take half of your meal home.
- DON'T be afraid to ask your server how food is prepared or for substitutions. Try to avoid items that use the descriptive words fried, basted, crispy, or stuffed. These tend to be higher in fat and cholesterol. Instead, opt for steamed or grilled options.
- DON'T order appetizers or soups that may pack fat and cholesterol onto your meal.
- DO drink lots of water. A good way to avoid sugar-filled drinks is to get water and/or unsweetened tea. Drink a lot of water before your meals to feel fuller and less likely to eat too much.
- DON'T be the last to order at the table. Ordering first will keep you from being swayed by others' choices.
- DO enjoy your meal. Eat slowly and savor each bit. Enjoy the conversation at the table. Put your knife and fork down between bites. Don't pick it up again until you've completely swallowed the last bite—allow your body time to digest.


