By Phyllis W. Zeno

When referring to his new automobile line in 1914, Henry Ford said, “You can have any color you want as long as it’s black.”

Sorry, Henry. I like red. No one ever knows I have a new car because I keep buying the same red one over and over again. According to DuPont’s Color Marketing Group, silver is the most popular car color, followed by white, so I had a hard time finding a red one at the dealership. Well, no, I didn’t, because on the dealer’s lot full of silver and white automobiles, my red DTS stood out like a poppy in a field of lillies.

What does DTS stand for? I don’t really know. I think it’s some kind of sports car that’s guaranteed to get 12 miles to the gallon. But it sure looks jazzy. As Eddy, the salesman, pointed out, that’s real wood on the steering wheel and dash, which seems strange because I thought they had progressed to plastic. But that’s all right because it looks almost as shiny as plastic.

And another sales point that Eddy made is that I can see my reflection in the bright chrome hub caps...if I happen to be on my knees looking at the tires.

And gadgets? It’ll take me a year to learn how all the buttons work.

There’s a Bose stereo system and a slot in the dash that says “Insert CD here.” I had a little trouble inserting my MBNA America Bank CD...the paper just didn’t want to go in...but after a few minutes I got tired of hearing “5.21 APY for five years,” so thank goodness there is a cassette player, too. Though I can tell you, cassettes are really hard to find these days, but I got a terrific buy on one with Fred Astaire tap dancing. They must have had a big run on those because there was only one in the store.

But getting back to my car and its gadgets, the seat has a memory, which is really lucky because mine is slipping. My memory, not my seat. Well, actually both are. But once the wheel and the seat are in the position that suits you best, there’s a button on the door that locks them into that position, and every time you put the key in the ignition, the wheel pops up and the seat slides forward, and you never have to adjust either again. Unless you have too much to eat one night.

Another remarkable amenity is the ultrasonic rear parking assist (URPA) that helps you determine how close an object is to your tail. Four ultrasonic sensors are in the rear bumper. Above the rear window is a combination of amber and red lights along with chimes that signal the closing distance as you back into a telephone pole or a wall or another car.

Quite an improvement over the old Amos and Andy way of parking. Remember the routine? Andy is parking and Amos is directing from the sidewalk.

“C’mon back, c’mon back,”…bam…

“Whoa!” And Andy says, “Could you try to get the ‘Whoa’ a little before the impact?”

But wait a minute, I just found something else in my Owner’s Manual…a massaging lumbar! There is a front seat massage system! You simply press a button to start the massage for a 10-minute cycle. Incredible! No more trips to the spa…you just get in your car and let her rip!

You’ll have to excuse me…I suddenly realized that I’d better run out and be sure that feature works while I’m still under warranty! As for the rest of the gadgets, I’ll get back to you.

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