By Guy Burnett

I thought I was ready for anything that South Beach could throw at me. After all, SoBe, as it’s referred to by many locals, is said by many more to be the world’s “hippest and hottest beach.” But here I was in a sea of these monster quarter-eater parking meters with nary a quarter to feed one. No problem, right? There are people everywhere. So what’s a buck’s worth of change to them? Everything. Welcome to SoBe.

So what’s all the fuss about? It’s about the people. And the Place. It’s about one square mile that could easily be mistaken for an artist’s palette. For here, on block after block, you’ll find building after building—over 800—that make up what is probably the finest and largest art deco collection of architecture in the world. You’ll even find the ostentation of that ubiquitous American institution known as Burger King to be absent on South Beach. Oh, there is a Burger King, but you might miss it. Because this Burger King on Alton Road serves up its fare from an art deco building that is documented in the National Archives. Nice going, South Beach.

So just where does South Beach start? And where does it end? Well, it can be as little as you want it to be. Oh, there are boundaries. Street names. Collins Avenue. Ocean Drive. Washington Avenue. Española Way. Lincoln Road. But what’s in a name? Nothing, really. Because it’s the people who play here that make these streets work, and play they do. And in a way that gives each street, each avenue a personality all its own.

Probably the best known of all these playgrounds is Ocean Drive, a stretch of street that slowly begins to wander along the Atlantic Ocean at South Pointe and builds to a crescendo in the middle and winds down to almost a hush at 15th Street.

Ocean Drive is one of those streets that comes to life very early. And a lot of it begins at the News Cafe, a landmark here since 1988. And a place that’s as good as any to sit back and enjoy the show.

Actually, there’s not a bad seat in the house. Anywhere. Because Ocean Drive has given new meaning to the term “outdoor dining.” And viewing. For this street is one open-air restaurant after another, some tempting you with gargantuan displays of fake food, while others use a more carnival method: hawkers. You know...the “step right in” approach. But this is all a part of what makes Ocean Drive what it is. It’s part of the show. And I had the best seat in the house for it at a place called Paparazzi. I also had the best beef carpaccio I can remember. Add a guitar player who could sing and play and okay, SoBe, you now have my attention.

And the first thing that got my attention was valet parking. No. Not for this restaurant. Or hotel. Valet parking for the beach. Obviously, this guy didn’t have any quarters either. And while the valet was trying to figure out how to make a steering column automatic shift work (this was a collectible) the other valets were busy playing soccer in the street. Yes, this really is Ocean Drive.

Ocean Drive is also a place called Mango’s, where wooden parrots flock. And where Frank and Tanya play at their work. And an impromptu dance atop the end of the bar is an eye-opening way of getting one to move one’s drink. Quickly. Ocean Drive is Wet Willie’s, where the daiquiries are dynamite and there are as many Harleys parked outside as there are patrons inside.

And what would Ocean Drive be without rollerblades? Because here is where a cell phone and a good set of rollerblades can make or break your social life. Shoes are big here, too. In fact, they are so big I think all the women want to be taller. Now these are heels! And just what color goes with a heel this big? Why black, of course. Black is everywhere. The women wear it. The men wear it. The children wear it. Even the cops wear it. Perfect. This is the tropics.

Of course, everything that Ocean Drive is, Collins Avenue, one block west, isn’t. But then, it is not supposed to be. It’s a different face. A different name. A different personality. Collins Avenue is more a blend of hotels, shops, residences and restaurants. It’s more of an “old meets new” kind of a street. Where a pierced ear might just belong to no punker, but to an elderly lady who rocks and reads in the shade and remembers a Miami Beach as it was but now contends with a South Beach as it is.

And though more sedate, Collins Avenue is, in its own way, as much South Beach as its boisterous, more flamboyant neighbor to the east. But this is more of a shopper’s street. And, in some ways, more of a local’s street where you can find places were the pizza is great, and it’s as hot as the oven because there’s no air conditioning to cool off a perfect slice.

It’s little places. Out-of-the-way places. Places where there’s a definite, yet unorthodox, coexistence between different cultures. For on any given day in any given place, you might find a beauty on rollerblades sipping bottled water and sharing the same space with a street musician who just got lucky enough to coax tourists out of some spare change—just enough to spend on a cold drink and a sandwich. It’s places like this that are sprinkled along Collins Avenue, where punkers and professionals, tourists and tradesmen, the rich and the rest are drawn, creating yet another face of South Beach.

But Collins Avenue is also home to an eclectic mix of hotels. Some, like the Impala, are discreetly and neatly tucked away. Others shout their presence, like the Marlin, with its striking art deco exterior that is a total contradiction to the stark and eerie, all silver and aluminum lobby. And just another world away is a few steps from the bar, where you enter the African-themed lower lounge. SoBe it!

Fortunately, in the midst of all this mayhem there is a Blue Moon. A small and inviting hotel. The kind of place that is just the right way to end the endlessness of South Beach.

As South Beach moves west to Washington Avenue, it takes on another form...a new identity. It’s high fashion and funk. It’s retro. It’s foolishness and frivolous. It’s a bakery here and a bookstore there. It’s haute cuisine and kitsch. But most of all, it’s an energy that lives off the night. And night here can be very consuming. It’s ablaze with neon. It’s horns and hollering. It’s the beauty and the beast. And only the strong survive it because it lasts until dawn. But night here has a faithful following. And it’s these followers that make this club-lined street come alive. Where the favorite places to be seen, at least for the moment, are the red-hot Liquid, The Living Room at the Strand, and Red Square, with its unique caviar and vodka bar.

But it’s not just the club frenzy of Washington Avenue that makes South Beach what it is. It’s also a marvelous mix of restaurants that cater to every culinary desire. Many can be found along Española Way. And there’s always Lincoln Road. And Lucky Chengs, where the food is perfectly prepared and as pretty as your waiter.

And now that actor Michael Caine has invaded Lincoln Road, too, with the South Beach Brasserie, you’ll never have to wonder what a grilled banger is ever again.

There are trendy little places with cute names like Wok & Roll. And to-die-for sushi places like the Sushi Rock Cafe, where you practically have to kill someone to get a table. And then there is a place like none other...a place known as Tantra.

Tantra is not just a magnificent dining experience, it’s also a philosophy. An ancient Indian spiritual philosophy of conscious loving that teaches that our senses—smell, touch, sight, hearing and taste—can all be harnessed and enhanced as one.

And here at Tantra they have learned well. Because the moment you walk through the door, every sense is aroused. From the touch of the fresh grass you’re walking on to the aroma of the incense or scented candles to the sound of exotic, new-age music heard over a soothing waterfall to the sight on an intimate and inviting decor of soft pillows and netting set under a ceiling of stars. And then the fifth sense, taste, is awakened in a way that only Tantra could do it. For here they take that sense and catapult it to a new high. An unparalleled ecstasy. For nowhere, not in South Beach or anywhere else, could anything taste this good.

But as unique as Tantra is to South Beach, so, too, is South Beach unique to the world around us. Oh, there are mean streets here. And there are definitely different streets where a carnival fever prevails.

But there are also real streets, where real people live and work and just get by amidst all this craziness. You probably won’t notice them on Ocean Drive or Collins Avenue or Washington. But they live here. And they are as much South Beach as the people who come to play here. And maybe they care more about what South Beach is or was and where it’s going. Now me, all I did was come here, and I saw and I learned. SoBe it.

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